fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
