I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
