then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
