so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
