I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
