My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
50% drunk capacity currently
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
