Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
