I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
