Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
