i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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