I want to stick my p in your. b.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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