I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
