So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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