I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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