How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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