whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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