Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
