Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
