well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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