Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
