Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
