i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
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Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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