i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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