Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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