your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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