tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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