I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
