I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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