took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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