I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
