My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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