Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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