Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
