I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
