I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
