I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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