it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
