kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
