i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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