Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sober January is a disaster.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
