Heybabeimwearingurpanties
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
