The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
