Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
