I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
