I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
