The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
