Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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