He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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