i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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