so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
