you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
