Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You took a bar mat shot.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
