your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
