yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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