if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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