I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
