You're so nebulous sometimes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
