She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's blow job season.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
