party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i was born a porn star she said
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
