We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
