How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
