next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
