Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
