No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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