Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
