Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize