So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
