she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
